My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
