that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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