You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
