susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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