My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
