3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i have herpe
just one?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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