so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
