I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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