left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
