I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Someone signed my nipple.
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