i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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