I wish I could teleport
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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