you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
