your room smells of hookers.
And success
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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