i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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