We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
