my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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