This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
