Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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