I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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