Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Houston, we have a blender
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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