i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
