Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
