Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
