if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
