guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
