I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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