The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize