hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize