Well apparently he's into motor boating.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
