Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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