His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
