Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
