SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
