I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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