you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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