My liver just broke up with me...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
