the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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