Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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