Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
