did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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