I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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