you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
