I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
