Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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