1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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