Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Randomize
