Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
