the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
