I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
