guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
