Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
