so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
