so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
