dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
