it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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