Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
