This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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