She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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