She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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