porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
