She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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