woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
