I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
