I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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