youre lurking in front of me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The air was thick with penises
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
