i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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