I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
