i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
