For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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