Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
