dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
