I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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