I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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