I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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