Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
