I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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