Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
