I cockslap morals
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
