I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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