I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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