were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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