The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
