how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
